I am wrapping up a workshop on writing wrongs and am now certain of three things about apology and forgiveness:
First, to feel sorry – or to need an apology – is uniquely human.
Second, saying you are sorry – or that you forgive – is really hard.
And finally, apologizing and forgiving can be expressed artfully and in infinite ways.
It’s this last point that got my attention, as well as for the writers in my workshop.
What a rich topic to explore! It’s a subject that never gets old; as true to the zeitgeist of today as it is of yesterday.
Saying we are sorry – or granting forgiveness – can be a thorny proposition. But exploring it in words can coax out the color, the bud. If we’re lucky, the flower.
If more of us give it a go, who knows? We might be able to populate more gardens, seeded with love.
To get a taste for how magnificently the subject can be addressed in words – as well as animation – I share just a few materials that we relied on for our discussions and writing prompts that ranged from Ta-Nehisi Coates to Bo Jack Horseman.
One or more of these is likely to move you. I encourage you to let it.
“I’m sort of sorry.”
Bo Jack Horseman comes to Herb’s death bed to apologize, but it doesn’t go well.
“You should feel sorry.”
Ta-Nehisi Coates describes what not feeling safe can look like in his own neighborhood.
“I forgive you and I understand.”
Sarah Vowell sees herself in her dad, in spite of their vast differences.
“I am sorry but I want to do better.”
On her Facebook page last fall, Elizabeth Gilbert, offered a profound self-integrity check.
- Did I give Bill Clinton a complete and total pass on being a lying skank about women, because he was my guy and I liked his politics? Answer: Yes.
- Do I preach love and courage and peace and inclusion, but then use my social media platforms to spew rage and fear and panic and condemnation? Do I constantly use the language of war, with the delusion that this will somehow lead to peace? Answer: Yes.
- Do I make blanket proclamations about how “we women are angry,” or “we women will rise up and take our revenge” — ignoring the fact that literally millions of women have completely different beliefs from me? Answer: yes.
Interested in future writing workshops?
In March: “Reading and Writing the Personal Essay”
Also in March: “Essay as Song: What Essayists Can Learn from the Songwriters”
In April: “Writing for Personal Discovery: Making Art from Life”
For more workshop info, click here.
Photo by Ellen Blum Barish. Copyright 2018
One thought on “So Hard to Say “I’m Sorry””
Delighted to share, Sheri! Thanks for writing…